


oblivion

by ekallos



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe, Heavy Angst, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Mutual Pining, god please help your idiotic children, where they're even more idiotic than before
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 02:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19454524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ekallos/pseuds/ekallos
Summary: In which Aziraphale and Crowley found out too late.





	oblivion

There was an old legend on Earth that if your ears suddenly started ringing, that meant somebody was thinking of you. 

Aziraphale had cherished this human legend, feeling a surge of joy when he heard that familiar buzzing sound that meant he was on somebody’s mind. He pictured it was mainly from customers talking about what a stingy bookstore owner he was, or perhaps even the higher authorities conferring about Aziraphale’s non-do-good-ness. Although the latter particularly disturbed him on some occasions, he found it flattering that anyone was thinking of him at all.

More recently — the end of the world, to be more precise — Aziraphale’s ears had not stopped chiming. One specific night, Aziraphale remembered, while discussing matters concerning that of the steadily dropping rates of the Great Britain stock market while under the influence with his dear demon friend Crowley, Aziraphale was suddenly unable to hear a word Crowley was saying.

“Don’t you see, angel? I’m doing everything within my power to contribute to the...er, well. End of the world, I suppose. And...and those blasphemous demons still think I’m the worse thing since Satan himself! Hic.” During his speech, Crowley lifted both his legs and placed them on Aziraphale’s lap, glaring directly at Aziraphale’s face. Crowley’s slitted pupils were burned into Aziraphale’s memory; a slot of flames surrounding everything that Aziraphale did. It never failed to remind him of their obvious (implied) rivalry with each other. Aziraphale took every chance he could get to stare into that ring of fire.

“Well, dear,” Aziraphale made no effort to shift Crowley’s position in any way, “I’d suggest you bring it up with them. They...excuse me.” Aziraphale poured himself another glass of wine, pouring one for Crowley too when he thrust his own glass forward. The contact of Crowley’s legs on Aziraphale’s own made him feel comforted, although this comfort should not have been there, he cherished every moment. 

“They obviously don’t know what a treasure you are to their...establishment. You’ve done so much for them and if they can’t see that, then you...are not worth their lowly attention.” Aziraphale's words were beginning to slur along with his thoughts.

Crowley’s eyes softened, his pupils gently dilating before turning his head to his glass and drinking the glass with one swig. 

“Yeah, well. Unfortunately, I can’t just _not_ have their attention. It seems I’m always a source of conflict for Sir Beelzebub.” Crowley took on that mocking tone Aziraphale had heard often, which meant Crowley was shutting down his emotions. He decided to lean forward and grab his hand in an act of reassurance. The decision of this act seemingly came out of nowhere; not once did Aziraphale actively think to himself, _I’m going to touch Crowley’s hand,_ it was a sort of subconscious reaction. 

The first thing Aziraphale remembered feeling was aching. Not in his ears quite yet, but a low hum that filled Aziraphale to the brim with all kinds of emotions; remorse and longing were present, along with betrayal and fury. More present in the flurry of feelings, however, was love. Not a love that was meant for two people — this love was universal, a love that burned the heart, a love that was immortal and as old as God herself, but yet fragile and tender. It was the love that Aziraphale felt when he danced, when he ate, or when he saw any form of humanity. It was the unconditional love for the universe itself. And he felt all of it in one single touch. And he wanted more.

Then his ears started ringing. A loud, sharp, piercing shrill that made Aziraphale retreat his hand and smack it over his ears. He remembered how bad the pain was and how betrayed he felt that something that usually gave him pleasure suddenly made him feel miserable. He also remembered the look on Crowley’s face, that brief moment of terror and confusion and the frantic energy he felt radiating off the demon in torrentuous waves. He remembered seeing his lips move, saying something about what he could do to help and a variety of swear words as he placed both hands on Aziraphale’s shoulders, trying to shake whatever was hurting him _out._ Aziraphale couldn’t hear a word he was saying.

Eventually, the ringing subsided, and Crowley was in hysterics. Aziraphale calmed him down, just like he always did, but the reasoning behind the sudden outburst of himself still bothered him to date. He assumed it was a burst of anger from one of his several enemies that split his head, but he couldn’t think of anyone who despised him so. And near the end of the world, Aziraphale didn’t care anymore. 

On the day of Armaggedon, where the world was to end in waves of flame and pollution, Aziraphale stood close to Crowley on the Tadfield airbase. They had conquered the Enemy of humanity himself, or so they thought. Something else washed over him at that moment, something other than relief. It was that feeling of love again, the same one he felt in the old nunnery and when he was driving with Crowley back to his bookshop. He had never felt such intense emotion like that before, and not in places where a demon was present. He had attributed it to the people who lived there, but after careful research, found no reason for the love to be _t_ _hat_ intense. He had never found a constant.

Until now. Aziraphale’s ears were throbbing from the high-pitched squealing that had been plaguing him for centuries, and he looked around to see what could be causing it. Everyone was busy talking to Adam, congratulating or scolding him for ending the end of the world. The only other person was Crowley, who was standing next to him, his eyes trained on a faraway point on the horizon. Aziraphale looked up at him.

“Crowley.” His name felt foreign on his tongue; as if something else was speaking out of him. He didn’t feel like himself. Something in his head was finally clicking.

The demon turned to look at him with his striking gaze. This close, Aziraphale could see the pain that was forever etched into his skin, that would forever remind him that he was not good enough for God. Aziraphale coveted that gaze, that skin that was once charred and bruised, those hands that were once bunched up into fists and had pounded the ground in agony. He wanted to touch those hands, to heal them by some angelic miracle, to tell him, _“You were always good enough for me.”_

“Well, angel. We did it. Well, not us, specifically, but. Oh, you know.” A smile climbed up Crowley’s face, and although everything in that situation was screaming for him to look away, Aziraphale continued watching. He looked at Crowley like it was the last thing he was ever going to see, like Crowley would disappear if he turned away, even for a second. Aziraphale wanted more than ever now to just reach out and hold him, allow Crowley to melt in his arms while he whispered to him, anything and everything to keep him there. 

“Hullo, angel. Shall we depart, then? I think a good bottle of Merlot would do us both some good right now.” Crowley put on his sunglasses and waited for Aziraphale’s response to his very obvious question, which was, _Would you please dine with me?_

Aziraphale had mastered the art of concealing his pain, both inwardly and outwardly, and as he nodded joyfully and walked alongside Crowley, Aziraphale’s insurmountable pain was being hidden beneath layers and layers of congeniality. It was the most pain Aziraphale had felt since 1941. 

—————————

It was the day of the trial. 

Aziraphale had been dragged away from Crowley, literally and metaphorically, and watched as his lifelong best friend and partner and whatever else anyone wished to call it was beaten to the ground without so much of a second glance. He saw Crowley break again for the first time since the Fall, and this time it was because of Aziraphale. Nothing could stop the floodgates from releasing once he saw Crowley rip off his sunglasses and scream for the Angels to let Aziraphale go, for Heaven’s sake. Tears fell like the rain that flooded the Earth nearly 6000 years ago, and Aziraphale had not found a place on the Ark.

Sitting in Heaven, above the sky and above the one place and one person he wanted to see right now, Aziraphale reflected on his life and himself. He listened to Gabriel list off the reasons why this punishment was necessary and how it was best for everyone, not just for the Angels. Aziraphale had thought he would harbor some seeds of resentment for Gabriel, for Michael, Uriel, or any Angel who allowed this to happen. All he could feel was disappointment and remorse that he hadn’t been a better Angel. For Crowley.

Oh, Lord, _Crowley._ The only one who had been on his mind since he met him in the Garden of Eden, it seemed, not so long ago. There wasn’t ever enough time to tell the person that you cherished so deeply that you feel that way, was there? All those times he could have said it, he could have reached over and touched him softly but with no hesitation, and told him everything that he had been thinking since the beginning of Time. 

How Aziraphale believed Crowley was the epitome of love. How he believed Crowley to be the most caring demon in all of the universes. How he believed Crowley’s eyes were not shocking but filled with empathy and understanding and all the stars and galaxies of the nebulas he helped build. How he saw humanity reflected in his hands, in his body and lips. How Crowley was at the center of Aziraphale’s universe. 

How Aziraphale was ineffably in love with Crowley. 

“Would you stop crying, for God’s sake? I swear you’ve spent far too much time down on Earth. Maybe this will do you some good.” Gabriel’s eyes held nothing for Aziraphale. He saw how his eyes didn’t change even though his mouth curled into a smile, the cynicism of it all pelting Aziraphale in the gut. And as Uriel released his bonds, he stood, clenching his hands together. 

Aziraphale thought about the constant ringing in his ears. Never had he believed it to be a good thing, a sign that somebody he loved or cared about was thinking of him and sending him good wishes in his day to day life. There had never been somebody who thought of him like that. He never thought…

Until now. The second before Aziraphale stepped into the blazing hellfire, he noticed that the ringing had stopped. It had never stopped, not since it started so many years ago. He had been so _daft,_ so unbelievably _stupid_ not to notice the one constant throughout the years. 

Crowley.

And he was there. Aziraphale saw Crowley standing in the hellfire, a mirage in a dry and wasted desert. At first, Aziraphale could not believe it was actually him standing there. That familiar and sculpted face that rivaled that of the most beautiful ancient Greek carvings (Aziraphale knew, he had been there) was so close he could reach out and touch it. He didn’t know if this was his body giving in as its last burst of energy, as if finally giving in to the fantasy that Aziraphale could see Crowley one last time before facing death. 

But he realized the ringing had stopped. It had stopped because nobody was no longer thinking of him, and the one person who had had perished, in a way that Aziraphale could and would not picture. The one person who had really, truly cared for him all these years. Who had loved him _back._ That universal love was coming from Crowley all those years ago. And it was directed towards _him_ and he had been too blind to realize it and —

_I understand, angel._

Aziraphale opened his eyes despite the stinging feeling the tears gave him and forced himself to look upon his former companion. Crowley’s sunglasses were long gone, and Aziraphale was witnessing him in his true form. There was nothing left of his material body; there was no reason to keep it. The first time Aziraphale had looked at him Crowley had appeared human, but now there was no filter over his eyes. He saw him as he was thought into existence eons ago, as God’s right hand. Crowley was ethereal.

_It’s okay, angel,_ he repeated once more, _it’s not so bad once you get used to it._

Aziraphale laughed, a shiver running down the length of his spine. His nerves were on fire and his body was trembling under the extreme pressure and heat of the hellfire. He knew Gabriel was becoming impatient, but he wanted to savor this pain. He had never felt something like it before. 

Crowley was patient. He waited for Aziraphale, just as he had for 6000 years before he died. Aziraphale didn’t want Crowley to wait for him anymore. He wanted to walk alongside Crowley for the rest of his years, hand in hand as they strolled the shores of Time.

He had never actually wanted the ringing to stop. It was there and it kept him company. Although it was painful, it reminded him of just how fragile life and love could be. Crowley taught him that. 

_You know, I’ve_ _—_

“I know. I think...I’ve always known, in a way.” Aziraphale smiled.

“Right. Here we go, then.”

The smoke from the hellfire billowed like smoke from a furnace, and the entirety of Heaven and Hell shook from the bottom up, and everyone, everywhere, felt a comforting embrace from an unseen source. They had always been loved from the very start.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first az/crowley fic, so i hope the concept is basic enough to grasp. i wanted to do something that nobody had done before, but i realize thats kind of an impossible task so i just went with what my heart told me to do. these two have completely and utterly taken over my life, and i wouldnt want it to change. lots of yearning has taken place since i started watching it, and to be honest, i tried to place some of that in the story as well. hopefully this doesn't have any typos, since i kind of wrote all of it within a day. if you enjoyed, please leave a comment, and if you didnt enjoy, feel free to leave a comment as well. :)


End file.
